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When Couples
Pray Together:
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Biblical
Answers to the Top 20 Questions About Sex
from the book Sex in the Christian Marriage
by Paul Meier
- Do sexual temptations truly increase when
couples are separated? The Bible is very practical and warns
couples not to be separated or to be apart. In fact in 1 Corinthians
7 it states that a couple should not be separated except for prayer
and fasting, in order to avoid temptation.
- Is it important that both mates tell the other
what pleases them sexually or should they both assume that the other
knows? It is very important that both husband and wife tell each
other what pleases them in a sexual act. Since most people are very
poor mind readers and since assumptions are often wrong,
communication is vitally important.
- Is sexual pleasure in marriage okay, or is sex
only for procreation? This seems to be a very naive question,
but many Christian couples feel that sexual pleasure within marriage
is wrong. Of course, within a marriage is where sex should be
enjoyed. Unfortunately, our culture today has taken sex outside of
the marriage, which has resulted in much grief, guilt, and actual
complications in the sexual area. In Proverbs 5 (and other passages)
God encourages married couples to enjoy sexual pleasures with each
other at all times.
- What is the average number of times per week for
a young married couple to have intercourse? The average varies,
naturally, depending on many factors - individual performance,
ability of both individuals, and the subculture they come from. It
has been said that about two to three times per week is the average
for most couples. But again this may vary from several times per day
to a few times per month depending on the couple.
- What are the phases of the female sexual
response cycle? The first stage of the female sexual response
cycle is the excitement phase, in which nipple erection and
lubrication of the vaginal area will occur. The clitoris also
increases in diameter during this time. The second is the plateau
phase, where there is a sexual flush and also an increase in the
size of the breasts. The third aspect is an orgasmic phase in which
actual orgasm takes place. And finally, there is a resolution phase.
- What are the male response cycles?
Basically, the male sexual response cycle is the same as in the
female. There is an excitement phase, a plateau phase, an orgasmic
phase, and a resolution phase. In the excitement phase there is an
erection. In the plateau phase there is a sexual flush. And in the
orgasmic phase there is the actual ejaculation orgasm. And then
there is a resolution phase. The female is capable of multiple
orgasms whereas the male is not because he has a longer refractory
time.
- Is it true that hot showers may decrease the
sperm count in the male? Yes. Hot showers may decrease the sperm
count in the male, although naturally this may vary from one
individual to another. If a couple is trying to conceive, the
husband should not have a hot bath or hot shower just prior to
intercourse.
- Is the hymen truly an indication of virginity in
the female? It is true that the hymen is often broken during the
first intercourse period. However, anatomy does vary, and it would
be a mistake to take this as the only indication of virginity.
- What is PMS or premenstrual syndrome, and does
this affect the sexual response? Hormone changes do occur during
the premenstrual period. The level of progesterone changes, and so
does the level of norepinephrine which affects mood. Often the woman
will be more irritable and/or depressed during this time. However,
the degree of mood change may have a psychological factor. In
summary, probably both physical and psychological factors are
involved. Good psychotherapy will minimize the psychological causes
of PMS symptoms.
- What can be done for PMS? Premenstrual
syndrome may be treated by counseling. Sufferers also benefit by
progesterone suppositories or other medications prescribed by a
physician. Occasionally diuretics have been used. Some women may
benefit from a special diet which eliminates sugars, caffeine and
salt immediately before the menstrual period.
- Is infertility always caused by the female?
A reliable estimate seems to indicate that perhaps 60 percent of the
time infertility is caused by the female, and 40 percent of the time
it is caused by the male. A lot of work has been done on infertility
in recent years so that more and more help is available when a
couple seeks help for infertility.
- What are the side effects of the birth-control
pill? Birth-control pills have several possible side effects.
For example, blood clots are possible. It is also possible for an
individual to become depressed on birth-control pills. However,
overall, the pill has proven to be quite safe for most users.
- Are vasectomies effective in providing birth
control? Usually. However, it is important to realize that sperm
will still be passed for several ejaculations after a vasectomy. It
is also important to realize that a vasectomy will affect some men
psychologically, and counseling should be sought before a vasectomy
is done. The same is true regarding women who have their fallopian
tubes tied so that pregnancy cannot take place. this procedure may
have a psychological effect on some females and counseling should be
done prior to this.
- What does the Bible mean when it refers to a man
and woman becoming one flesh? When a man and woman marry and
have intercourse they actually become one flesh, in a sense, in
God's eyes. Thus, it is very important that marriage be held in high
regard. It is also very important that the couple keep themselves,
sexually, just for each other, because when affairs take place a
person becomes a part of the individual with whom he or she has the
affair and in a sense, actually gives himself or herself to that
individual.
- What are some common-sense factors that are
important in the sex act? It is important to realize that sex
has much to do with the state of mind. Love, romance, and kindness
are very important. It is also important to remember such things as
soap, perfume, toothpaste, and shaving cream.
- Is homosexual activity wrong? The Bible
takes a very strong stand against homosexuality. Such passages as
Romans 1 (and others) indicate that it is very wrong. God intended
that a male marry a female and then the two should engage in the
sexual act. In addition, it should be mentioned that even in
religious society there has been a decrease in emphasis on affairs
as being wrong. Affairs between a man and woman outside of marriage
not only are wrong but they also usually will decrease the sexual
enjoyment in the marriage.
- What percent of females reach orgasm?
Perhaps 70 percent of all females reach orgasm. Nearly 100 percent
of females can achieve orgasms with proper psychotherapy.
- Are all men interested only in sex? Extreme
statements are usually wrong. All men are not interested in sex
alone, just like all women are not evil. Personalities vary from
individual to individual. The sex act, of course, is important to
both the male and the female within the marriage situation. It is
true that men may be somewhat more oriented to the physical side of
marriage while women may be somewhat more oriented toward love and
security. However, both are important to each other.
- Do women who experience sexual enjoyment in
marriage before menopause continue to have sexual enjoyment after
menopause? Yes, they do. It is a misunderstanding to think that
sexual interest and activity decrease after menopause.
- Is the wife's view of herself as being
attractive important in the sex act? Self-image and viewing
herself as being attractive is important for the wife. Thus, it is
important for the husband to remember this and to build up his wife
and give her good feedback. In other words, for the wife to act sexy
in the sex act, she needs to feel that way.
If you'd like to purchase the book, Sex
in the Christian Marriage, or find out about other related resources
call us at 1-800-NEW-LIFE and we'll be pleased to help in any way we
can.
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