Good day, no you do not need to reduce testosterone and you should not have to be dealing with this issue. I walked in your footsteps for many years and it did not ever get resolved for me, but it can be fixed i you both want it to be. Something is wrong when someone will deny themselves pleasure and intimacy and then call you selfish. The selfishness is not yours. Men should be aroused by their wives (it is a built in design feature of the wiring) and if there is no overriding medical reason then there is a realisic expectation of a regular sex life.

You do need counselling, as a couple. You need to find out what it is that makes your wife dislike sex so much and if there is a way that you are failing to meet her non sexual intimate needs. If there has been an overbearing or demanding attitude on your part, or if she perceives that to be the case, then you need to deal with that. (I do not get that attitude from your post, but reality and perception are often blurred and what I read in your post may not be what your wife thinks she sees)

Once or twice a year is neither normal nor healthy. If your wife dresses and behaves immodestly while denying you the normal expectation that comes fom those behaviours then there is a very good chance that she has some anger isues with you and with the entire concept of sex as an intimate sharing. If you are not prepared to meet each other's legitimate need for sexual intimacy then you have an obligation to present yourself as modest and to not place unduetemptation in front of another. Your wife needs to see the reality of what she is doing and the damage it is causing to your marriage. Even if she won't go to counselling with you, go yourself, for yourself. They may be able to provide coping mechanisms and possibly even strategies to work through this and achieve some positive changes for you.

I will pray for you,

Our bodies are not our own when we marry. Seek counseling.

I hope this doesn't get me stoned in public but problems like this lead me to wonder about various "sexual addictions". If the wife were filling her role then would there be a problem. Of course that always leads to the very defensive retort "if the husband were doing his part to romance me, bla bla bla".

I suppose what has to happen is one party must prove themselves to be in Christ enough to go the whole way.

I must hasten to add that I do not have the solution for this at all. I just have great compassion for those caught in this web which seems to have no resolution. If I have my facts fairly close, some Pope in around the 12th century decided that sex was not for pleasure but solely for procreation. Can that be the correct answer? Goodness gracious I hope not, but ????

For about 3 years I read every Christian marriage book I could get my hands on. Worked my tail feathers off trying to be the best Husband the world has every seen. What a flop that was. But then in a way that is how it should be. Christ doesn't want us to "work" our way to be good enough for Him to love. So for the last couple years I just pray everyday to be able to sacrifice myself fully to meet whatever She says or God brings to me as her needs. She says she finds no fault in me and is thrilled as a wife, except that I just can't seem to get over the sex thing. Besides since she doesn't need sex, I prove my selfishness to want something that she does not. To ask to be intimate at a moment when she is not in the mood is selfish.

I'd go with the 1 Cor 7 Chapter. I may confront my own wife with that also. So if you see a huge ball of fire over on the Pacific coast it was me gettin roasted.

Really guys, this thing has to come to a resolution some where and I don't think it is all us guys who are the creeps.

I don't think there is a single one of the saints who will not shed some tears when Jesus returns and I think the ladies will go to the wood shed over their selfish handling of this very issue. There are lots of men who don't oggle women, are faithfull, caring and do all the "stuff". When does it pay off? Perhaps not in this life.

Hi Z4j,

I really feel sorry that your wife is not more accommodating.I don't think that you are being selfish wanting more sex. A couple of times a year is very little for a man and I can understand that you are feeling more and more frustrated. Desire for sex is a normal desire and it's a legitimate need as is our wife's need for tenderness and love.
Have you ever told your wife about your feelings and temptations? Have you ever talked about her needs? I can't imagine that she won't be able to compromise in some way.
Well. That's all what I can tell you. I know that it is a struggle for you and hope that you can get some kind of better "agreement" with your wife. But don't feel bad about your urges- it's just normal for a man !
Just ask God for help- he will intervene at his time and show you some solution.
You can contact me if you like. I'm 39 years old and have been married for 15 years. My E-mail: brad777_friend@yahoo.com

Oldest most boring issue in our more than 10 years of marriage

Has it been this way the whole time? Are you exaggerating the "couple times" or is this just how bad she hates intimacy.

A wife who truly loves her husband desires to please him just the same as you desire to please her. Surely she knows how this has affected you and if not, she needs to know.

So what do you do?

Two choices! Live without IT or make your thoughts known to her and then do something. Set up time with a well qualified Christian counselor for you both and find out just what is going on and how best to change it.

What if she refuses?